December 6, 2007

you do the math


okay, class. put aside the science of chronic illness for today; right now, we are going to focus on the math. i just picked up my prescription for natural thyroid hormone and, along with it, a helpful brochure on how to titrate (that's chemistry and we'll handle that another day) my dose and maximize the drug's effect. i will add to this my daily numbers. ready?

i have to take my temperature 3 hours after awakening, 3 times per day, 3 hours apart for 5 days and average each day. my temperature should be a bit above 37 degrees celsius but will more likely be close to 35 degrees. i should start with 1-7.5 mcg capsules, 2 times per day and build up in divided doses of 15 mcg's to anywhere from 125 to 225 mcg's. the drug has to be taken 1 hour before eating or 2 hours after and 12 hours apart. i should be careful not to let my blood sugar drop and should many small meals per day. for each meal, i should eat 3 parts of protein to 1 part unrefined carbohydrates. i should eat between 60 and 70 grams of protein per day. i should avoid drinking water 1/2 hour before, during or after food. i should drink at least 6 glasses of water per day. add to the thyroid pills, 1 to 4 -12.5 mg capsules of io-plex daily with food, for 3 to 6 weeks. add 1-250 mcg capsule of chromium per day. take 1 capsule twice daily of guggulipid. take 1 to 4 capsules of ashwaganda. take 5oo mg of tyrosine 3 times per day with meals. take 1 multi-vitamin per day. and 1 capsule of 1000 or 2000 mcg b-12 per day.

need a breather? c'mon, you can do it! keep going...

for nausea, i take 6 nux vomica granules 15 minutes before or 1/2 hour after food. i take 3 vitamin d pills 3 times per day with food. 2 types of calcium 4 times per day with food. 1 cup of chinese tea 2 times a day, 1 hour after food. 2 neck stretches 1 time per hour. foot exercises 10 reps, 3 times per day. 5 different hand exercises, 10 reps, 3 times per day. 45 minutes of stretching, 1 time per day. 20 minutes of walking when possible. meditate for 15 minutes, 2 times per day. and it's all finished off with 10 mg of melatonin, 45 minutes before bedtime and 9 hours of rest.

more or less.

now. here is your homework:

if one sick person leaves their bed at 9:15 am and has to do 10 repetitions, 3 times per day of 12 different stretches and needs 6 small meals; and the another sick person leaves their bed at 7:30 am and has 2 appointments with specialists --each of whom tends to be between 30 and 70 minutes late-- who are 11 km's apart... when will they ever meet for coffee?

do i have any high-level mathematicians reading this? can we get a formula for dosing, exercising and time management, please? for now, i will drink my new vanilla tea and switch to physics: a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

7 comments:

sarah said...

oh my god this is so funny! thanks for making me laugh from 1000s of kilometres away. so if You write something funny in vancouver and i read it in new york what is the laugh ratio per kilometre? (oh dear i am not as funny)

Donimo said...

you are funny, but not so good at math! a laugh is constant over any distance.

Sherril said...

lol.

I've tagged you for the 7 Random Things Meme... http://theiciexperience.blogspot.com/2007/12/chronic-monday-seven-random-things-meme.html

brian said...

I use Pi every day, but your math kung-fu is much stronger than mine. I had no idea how much discipline was required to have a chronic illness.

Michelle said...

Funny! I have to do about as much as this because I multiple illnesses. I never thought that I could see this grind as being something to laugh about. Thank you for twisting things up like this. I love your site.

Liz said...

Brilliant! I love it. If I didn't live in England, I'd try to work the numbers and see if we could manage to meet for tea!

This is a really smart view on how we have to divide up our days. I take homeopathic medicine on top of my regular medications and it adds a lot of number-crunching to my day.

Donimo said...

I have math kung-fu? Excellent.I've added more numbers now that I've started on a new homeopathic protocol, so I'll need all the help I can get!

Michelle: I'm so glad to help you see some of the humour/absurdity in this. I wish you all the best and a laugh or two as well!

Liz: let me see, with the time difference, the cost of the flight, the currency exchange...I think "virtual" tea for two would be best right now!